Have ALL the talks: An Introduction
In the dating world, “the talk” refers to that much awaited “define your relationship talk.” Do you remember how you felt in the time leading up to “the talk” with your current partner? Were you anxious? Excited? So afraid of rejection that you avoided it for almost a year?
For many people, the big step of defining the relationship brings with it at least a little nervousness, but it can also come with great relief on the other side of it and, even better, an increased sense of security and closeness with your partner. In short, having “the talk” is worth it, even if it is uncomfortable to initiate.
It turns out, in your post-dating, committed relationship world, there are still many more talks to be had. There are always new challenges that can arise for you personally or as a couple, and old challenges that keep resurfacing at times you didn’t expect. Here again, having “the talk” is almost always worth it, and yet, so often these conversations are not happening. Why?
Some couples may have fallen into a pattern of communication that makes it hard to bring up a particular topic (or maybe any topic). Perhaps, every time you try to initiate a conversation, your partner responds in a way that makes you retreat, or you both get so heated that you’ve just given up even trying to broach the subject.
For others, the topic itself may be too painful or vulnerable. Maybe an experience in a previous relationship or with a family member has made you extra sensitive in this area. Or there is a painful past experience in your current relationship that you are reminded of each time it comes up.
Other couples may be avoiding by default. Your life may be so busy or chaotic that finding the time for “the talk” seems impossible. Perhaps you have a demanding job or kids or a lifestyle that sucks up all your energy and resources without you even realizing it.
Whatever the reason, the cost of NOT talking is great. Not only are you unable to resolve whatever conflict or challenge you are facing, but you also miss out on the opportunity for those feelings of closeness and connection that can only come from working through hard things together with your partner.
In the articles to follow, I will discuss some of the topics we might be inclined to avoid in relationships, the common reasons for and consequences of avoidance, and actionable steps you can take to make these conversations happen. If ever you feel like you could benefit from the help of a trained couple therapist in approaching these talks, do not hesitate to reach out to schedule an initial appointment at Have The Talk Counseling, PLLC. Your relationship is worth the investment.
