Online in Washington and any PSYPACT state
Couple Therapy Intensive for Shared Decision-making
Get unstuck from decision-making gridlock with the help of a skilled couple therapist in a half-day, full-day, or 2 day format.
Is an Important Decision Keeping Your Relationship Stuck?
Should we get married?
Should we prioritize a wedding or a house?
Should we have a child? (or a second? Or third?)
Should one of us change careers?
Should we stay where we are or start over somewhere new?
Should my aging parent come live with us?
Some couples who feel stuck in their relationship are not struggling with conflict in every area. They are primarily arguing about one specific decision that defines what comes next.
Both of you care deeply about the future and have thought a lot about the decision, but your conversation always ends the same way.
One person explains their reasoning.
The other pushes back.
The conversation becomes tense. Eventually one of you shuts down or the discussion ends without resolution.
Then weeks later the same conversation happens again.
Nothing moves forward. The issue remains unresolved and the relationship feels more strained.
You’re in the right place.
A Couple Therapy Intensive for Shared Decision-making helps couples move out of gridlock and work through the decision collaboratively.
How do couples get stuck in decision-making gridlock?
When couples face a big decision, the instinct is often to persuade.
You try to explain your reasoning.
You bring research or examples.
You try to show how your proposed solution protects the relationship or the future.
Meanwhile, your partner is busy making a case, too, either against your position or for their own proposed solution. Before long the conversation becomes less about understanding and more about defending positions.
The more each person argues their case, the more the other feels pressured or misunderstood.
You may be in a pattern of decision-making gridlock if:
You have had the same discussion many times and still feel no closer to a decision
You and your partner each feel strongly about a different path forward
Conversations about the issue quickly escalate or immediately turn into debate
One or both of you avoid bringing up the topic because it leads to tension
You notice growing frustration or resentment that now spills into other conversations
You feel pressure to resolve the issue but every attempt seems to make things worse
The problem is not that you haven’t explained yourself well enough for your partner to understand your point of view. The problem is that the decision is now stuck in a pattern of competing solutions instead of being approached with collaborative problem-solving.
A Couple Therapy Intensive for Shared Decision-making creates the structure needed to step out of that pattern and approach the decision in a more productive way.
How does a Couple Therapy Intensive help couples who are struggling to make a decision together?
A Couple Therapy Intensive creates the time, structure, and guidance needed to move beyond debate and into real understanding and problem solving. My role as the therapist is to guide a structured conversation that helps both partners move beyond the gridlock.
During the process, I help couples:
Slow down the conflict pattern
Many couples enter the conversation already feeling defensive or unheard. Slowing the interaction allows each partner to feel understood before trying to solve the problem.
Clarify what each partner truly needs
Behind most positions are deeper concerns, hopes, and values. When these are expressed clearly, couples often discover important areas of overlap.
Translate perspectives that feel incompatible
Partners often care about similar outcomes but are approaching the decision from different fears or priorities. Helping each partner understand the meaning behind the other’s perspective can shift the conversation significantly.
Identify shared priorities
Once both partners feel understood, couples are better able to focus on their shared goals rather than competing solutions.
Develop a collaborative decision process
Instead of trying to win the argument, couples learn how to approach the decision as a joint problem to solve together.
The goal of a Couple Therapy Intensive for Shared Decision-making is not to push couples toward a particular answer. It is to create the conditions where both partners can think clearly, understand each other more fully, and move toward a decision with greater confidence and mutual respect.
Couples often discover that once these deeper layers are understood, the decision becomes much clearer than it initially seemed.
What does the intensive process look like?
1
Pre-Intensive Assessment
Complete a comprehensive assessment process:
1 hour meeting with both partners together
Individual meetings (30 minutes each) with each partner attending separately
This allows me to better understand the broader relationship context and where the conversations tend to get stuck.
2
Intensive
Session
During the intensive we will:
Clarify the decision you are trying to make
Slow down the pattern that keeps the conversation stuck
Help each partner fully express their perspective
Identify the deeper needs and concerns underneath each position
Explore potential paths forward together
3
Post-Intensive Follow-Up
A 1 hour follow up session is scheduled 2-4 weeks after the intensive to check in on progress, identify any barriers to moving forward in the collaborative decision-making process, and determine next steps.
For some couples, no further follow up is needed! For others, the intensive sparks awareness for other areas they would like to work on in the relationship or as individuals. Either way, you will leave the follow up with a clear plan for what is next.
Frequently Asked Questions
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Many couples choose this format because the decision they are facing requires or deserves some undivided attention.
An intensive allows you to:
Focus deeply on the issue
Instead of spreading the work across months of weekly sessions, you dedicate focused time to the decision for one or two days.
Move past surface arguments
Extended time allows the conversation to move beyond initial defenses and into the deeper concerns that are often driving the conflict.
Reduce months of tension
Couples frequently resolve or clarify decisions much faster when they have uninterrupted space to work through the issue.
Protect the relationship
When a decision becomes a recurring conflict, it can slowly erode trust and connection. Addressing it directly often relieves that pressure.
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Couples often reach out for this service when they are facing a decision that feels too important to keep postponing.
Examples include:
Relocation decisions, such as when one partner wants to move for career or lifestyle reasons while the other wants to stay near community or stability.
Family planning questions, like whether to get married, have children, expand one’s family, or navigate differences in relationship or parenting goals.
Career crossroads, or situations where a major job opportunity, career change, or income shift affects both partners.
Financial and lifestyle decisions, including choices about housing, spending, investing, or lifestyle priorities that affect long-term plans.
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This intensive may be a good fit if:
• you are committed to your relationship but feel stuck on a major decision
• conversations about the issue keep looping
• each partner has a different vision for the future
• the decision feels too important to ignore
• both partners are willing to participate in a structured conversationThis intensive may not be the right fit if:
• one partner is unwilling to participate
• the primary issue involves safety concerns or active abuse
• the relationship is currently in acute crisis (if the decision you are contemplating is whether or not to end the relationship, consider discernment counseling instead)If you are unsure whether this format is right for your situation, we can discuss that during a consultation.
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No. Some couples do reach a decision during the session, but the primary goal is to increase clarity, understanding, and collaboration. Many couples leave with a structured plan that allows them to finalize the decision together.
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That is very common. Couples often start from a place of feeling very far apart in terms of their positions on the issue bringing them in. This is sometimes due to a polarization process that happens when couples disagree. Basically, the more you argue for your position, the more your partner feels they must defend the other position, and vice versa. This can occur even when one or both of you are actually undecided on the issue.
The intensive helps you to better understand each partner’s underlying concerns and priorities so you can start to see areas of overlap and approach the decision collaboratively.
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The intensive process includes one post-intensive follow up session to check in on progress. Some couples choose to schedule additional follow up sessions or ask for referrals to other services.
Your Options
Choose the right format for you.
I offer intensives in a few formats, depending on your budget, availability, & goals.
Note: The 2 hour pre-intensive assessment and 1 hour post-intensive follow up appointments are billed separately at my hourly rate.
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2.5 hours of face-to-face time + one 15 minute break
Schedule on a Monday or Friday (between 9:30 and 4pm PT)
Fee: $765 -
5 hours face-to-face time, one hour lunch break, and two 15 minute breaks
Schedule on a Friday or Monday (9:30am-4pm PT).
Fee: $1530 -
10 hours of face-to-face time, 1 hour lunch break + two 15 minute breaks on each day.
Schedule on a Friday and the following Monday, or on consecutive Fridays/Mondays (9:30am-4pm PT).
Investment: $3060
You Do Not Have to Stay Stuck in This Decision
Big decisions often bring out our deeply held fears, hopes, and values
Without the right structure, those conversations can become frustrating and emotionally draining.
With focused support, they can become opportunities for deeper understanding and stronger partnership.
A Couples Therapy Intensive for Shared Decision-making helps you move from tug of war to teamwork so you can face the future together.
Schedule a Consultation
If you and your partner are stuck on an important decision, the first step is scheduling a consultation.
During the consultation we will discuss:
the decision you are facing
whether an intensive is the right fit
scheduling options