Online in Washington and any PSYPACT state

Couple Therapy Intensive for Neurodiverse Couples

Unlock your ability to understand each other and finally experience true partnership with the help of a skilled couple therapist in a half-day, full-day, or 2 day format.

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Are you and your partner struggling to bridge your differences?

One partner needs to be by themselves to regulate their emotions while the other prefers to talk things out and get reassurance from interacting.

One partner answers questions quickly while the other takes some time to process the question before responding.

One partner problem-solves internally and then comes to a conversation with a solution while the other partner wants to verbally work through the problem together.

One partner is naturally motivated by how important or consequential a certain task is, while the other needs the task to be novel, or interesting, or challenging, or urgent in order to get started on it.

One partner craves grand gestures and thoughtful gifts, while the other expresses love by showing up in steady, predictable ways.

One partner thinks through all of the downstream implications before making a decision while the other approaches challenges with a trial-and-error approach.

One partner’s nervous system is sensitive to certain smells, or tactile sensations, while the other finds these same sensations pleasant and relaxing.

One partner finds social interactions with others stimulating, while the other finds them mostly draining.

By definition, partners in neurodiverse relationships are processing the world differently, and this can show up in so many ways.

Meeting your partner’s needs without losing yourself can sometimes feel impossible.

You can’t find the right time to have important conversations, or the conversations end in conflict and overwhelm.

You can’t seem to find the right way to connect.

You never agree on how to approach a problem, let alone get to solving it.

You struggle to repair after conflict occurs and now have a backlog of grievances.

You’re in the right place.

A Couple Therapy Intensive for Neurodiverse Couples helps you and your partner to stop fighting against your differences and start bridging the gap between your different needs and preferences.

Why do neurodiverse couples get stuck in unhelpful patterns?

Often partners in neurodiverse couples struggle to see the validity of their partner’s perspective. We call this the double empathy problem.

You have lived your whole life with your brain processing the way it naturally does. It is common to assume that other people think similarly. So when your partner is approaching something differently, your mind might come to one of these conclusions:

My partner doesn’t know or has never been taught the “right” way, and so I will need to educate them.
My partner knows the “right” way and is choosing to do something differently because they are [undisciplined, controlling, inconsiderate, self-centered, avoidant, or any number of disparaging adjectives].
My partner knows that I need things done the “right” way and their refusal to do so is an indication that they don’t really care about me or the relationship.

In reality, there is a different “right” way for different neurotypes (and often for different individuals within neurotypes), and in most cases, the negative interpretations above do not reflect your partner’s actual intentions.

Even when we understand that our partner has good intentions, there can still be a mismatch between intentions and impact.

The challenge for couples is that when one partner approaches a shared problem in their own way, it can sometimes have an unintended negative impact for the other partner.

If you process emotion by talking to your partner about it, but your partner can only process emotion privately, their need to be alone is in direct opposition to your need to have a conversation.

If a conversation is forced, your partner will be uncomfortable and activated.

If a conversation is put off, you will be uncomfortable and activated.

Having a calm, productive conversation is unlikely from an activated state, and the focus of the conversation may shift to the harm caused by the discussion itself. Understandably, these interactions don’t feel good for either partner. You may come away from them feeling frustrated, overwhelmed, or hopeless.

How can a Couple Therapy Intensive for Neurodiverse Couples help?

A Couple Therapy Intensive for Neurodiverse Couples provides a framework to negotiate differences from a place of understanding and respect for each partner’s processing styles and nervous system responses.

During the process, I help couples:

Acknowledge and accept their natural differences

It is essential to develop a mindset that is not focused on perceived deficits in one’s partner, but rather acknowledges that there is more than one way of being in the world and that both partner’s perspectives are equally valid.

Clarify intent vs. impact

Partners need to feel understood with regards to both their intentions and the unintentional harm done in their interactions. This allows us to shift behaviors from a place of understanding rather than coercion.

Identify areas of difference that require a bridge

When both partners are accountable for their impact, it allows us to identify areas of difference that require a plan to reduce harm and build a bridge.

Develop skills to attend to both partner’s needs

You are not the first couple to navigate these kinds of differences, and there are some tools that can help! The guiding principal is that the new behaviors acknowledge the needs of both partners rather than prioritizing one over the other by default.

Create systems to implement new skills

Knowing that executive functioning challenges can create a gap between game plan and action, it is important consider what systems will work for each partner’s brain to achieve the desired follow through.

The overarching goal of a Couple Therapy Intensive for Neurodiverse Couples is to move away from fault-finding and attempts to converge on a single perspective, and instead recognize that accepting and appreciating differences opens up more opportunity to create a collaborative partnership.

What does the intensive process look like?

1

Pre-Intensive Assessment

Complete a comprehensive assessment process:

1 hour meeting with both partners together
Individual meetings (30 minutes each) with each partner attending separately
Questionnaires to gather additional information and provide space for those who communicate more effectively in writing

2

Intensive
Session

During the intensive we will:

Discuss the assessment results and my understanding of your challenges
Meet one-on-one so that each partner has time alone and time with me to process the feedback
Work on goals of understanding differences and acknowledging impact
Introduce and practice specific skills and systems as needed

3

Post-Intensive Follow-Up

A 1 hour follow up session is scheduled 2-4 weeks after the intensive to check in on progress, identify any challenges or barriers to implementing new skills, and determine next steps.

For some couples, no further follow up is needed! For others, the intensive sparks awareness of other areas they would like to work on in the relationship or as individuals. Either way, you will leave the follow up with a clear plan for what is next.

Frequently Asked Questions

There are a few advantages for neurodiverse couples to doing an intensive rather than ongoing therapy.
Harnessing Focus
Many neurodivergent individuals find it challenging to shift tasks or have a tendency to hyperfocus. They may find it hard to focus in the initial part of a 50 minute couple therapy session, leaving less time to do the work of therapy, or they may find they are in a flow in a particular session and feel frustrated when it ends. An intensive can solve for both ends, creating more “productive time.”
Time for pacing adjustments and nervous system regulation
Extended time makes it easier to respect both partners’ processing speeds and balance a need for breaks with a need for forward momentum.
Reduce months of tension
Couples frequently achieve tension-reducing mindset shifts more quickly when they have uninterrupted time and different avenues for processing available, which is easier to achieve in an intensive format.
Stay on track
Weekly therapy can sometimes lead to feeling distracted by the “crisis of the week.” An intensive can help you follow a single thread from understanding why, to agreeing on behavioral changes, to setting up for successfully making those changes, all within a couple days.
No. One or both of you may carry a neurodevelopmental diagnosis, but it is not required. It is also not required that one of you self-identify as neurodivergent. If the differences described on this page resonate with you and your partner, this intensive can be helpful, regardless of diagnosis or identity.
This intensive may be a good fit if:
- You want a structured approach that accounts for processing and nervous system differences
- You feel stuck and want more momentum
- You are motivated to work on the relationship
- Weekly therapy feels too slow or difficult to schedule
This service may not be appropriate when there is:
- Active domestic violence
- Ongoing coercion or intimidation
- Active substance dependence that prevents participation
- One partner who has already made a decision to divorce or is unwilling to engage in the process
If I believe another level of care or support would better fit your situation, I will discuss that openly with you.

Yes. Intensives are offered online for couples located in states where I am authorized to practice.
Many neurodiverse couples prefer online intensives because participating from home can reduce stress, sensory overload, travel fatigue, and scheduling complexity. If this does not ring true for you, feel free to contact me for referrals to in-person options.
Yes. I currently offer ongoing neurodiversity affirming couple therapy. I have plans to offer more workshops and group services in the future, so feel free to check back!
If you are unsure which service is right for you, schedule a consultation and we can chat!
The intensive process includes one post-intensive follow up session to check in on progress. Some couples choose to schedule additional follow up sessions or ask for referrals to other services.

Your Options

Choose the right format for you.

I offer intensives in a few formats, depending on your budget, availability, & goals.

Note: The 2 hour pre-intensive assessment and 1 hour post-intensive follow up appointments are billed separately at my hourly rate.

- 2.5 hours of face-to-face time + breaks as needed.
- Schedule on a Monday or Friday (between 9:30 and 4pm PT)
Fee: $765
- 4.5 hours face-to-face time, one hour lunch break, and breaks as needed
- Schedule on a Friday or Monday (between 9:30am-4pm PT).
Fee: $1377
- 2 days: 4 hours of face-to-face time, 1 hour lunch break + breaks as needed on each day (8 hours total face-to-face time)
- Schedule on a Friday and the following Monday, or on consecutive Fridays/Mondays (between 9:30am-4pm PT).
Investment: $2448